In coaching there is a term we use called “holding the space.” As a coach, I was taught to hold the space for my clients as they bring topics of concern to our coaching session. Holding space means to withhold judgement and let my client have all the mental and emotional space they need to be where they are. Give them their whole, white, canvas that is inherently theirs, to be who they are. When I meet with my coach, knowing that she is holding space for me feels so good. I can relax and speak and be free and really get out what is on my mind without a fear of being judged. My question to you is, how often do you hold space for yourself? Do you rush to judgement of yourself?
I was working with a client a few months ago who had concerns about the things her co-workers were saying about her and to her. She was very hurt. One thing we talked about was learning to take those words her co-workers were saying to her and hold them away from her, in her hand. Take words that have been said to you and inspect all sides of the words as if you were holding something new that you’ve never seen. Don’t put them into your heart right away. Yes, she may have been judged by her co-workers, but she in turn didn’t have to judge herself. We can make choices about the things we say to ourselves and that others say to us. Sometimes we take things and immediately put them right into our heart where they stay forever. Instead, learning we have other options like setting them on a shelf for later and dealing with them next Wednesday, or throwing them in the garbage can be very empowering. We don’t have to take things and put them immediately into our hearts.
Learning how to give ourself space and not judge ourself can bring a sense of empowerment and will help us learn boundaries for ourselves. This is especially important when we are in an emotional state.
The next time somebody says something to you, or you have a judgemental thought about yourself, take a deep breath and pull those words back out of your heart and be intentional about what you decide to do with those words. Learn how to give yourself space.
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