Our epidemic of loneliness

Right now I am reading Together, from Surgeon General, Vivek H. Murthy, MD.

Murthy's book is about social connection and how on the heels of the COVID 19 pandemic, we need to act now to avoid a social recession. His message is that we must work to avoid the hidden impact of loneliness on our health and power of our social community. Murthy makes a case for loneliness being a public concern.

Healing our social world requires us to actively seek connection. Often times there is shame around our feelings of loneliness, but we are social creatures and being alone can bring feelings of anxiety. In previous times, being alone meant we were estranged from our group or community which equated to our ability to survive. Being apart of the tribe meant we were physically safe from the wilderness and from predators. Being apart of the tribe meant that we had safety in numbers. We had a place and people to belong to.

In more modern times, we do not have the same concerns of predators, like fighting a big bear. There is no threat of starvation with easy access to grocery stores full of food on every shelf. But our bodies still have same stress response to feelings of loneliness now as it did in previous times.

Feeling lonely is about feeling disonnected. We can be in a room full of people and feel lonely. When we feel division and polarization in our world, we begin to feel anxious and panicky. We have evolved to participate and be apart of communities, to create lasting bonds and relationships with others, to help one another and share life experiences.

Dr. Murthy has four key strategies to not only help us weather the storm, but also to heal our social world.

• Spend time each day with those you love. Devote at least 15 minutes each day to connecting with those you care most about.

• Focus on each other. Forget about multitasking and give the other person the gift of your full attention, making eye contact, if possible, and genuinely listening. Please refer to my earlier post on how to be a good listener.

• Embrace solitude. The first step toward building stronger connections with others is to build a stronger connection with oneself. Meditation, prayer, art, music and nature can all be sources of solitary comfort and joy.

• Help and be helped. Service is a form of human connection that reminds us of our value and purpose in life. Checking on a neighbor, seeking advice, even just offering a smile to somebody in the grocery store can make all of us stronger.

I am only about a third of the way through the book, but can see that the words and findings of Dr. Murthy can positively impact us all. Regardless of our political standing, whether you are conservative or liberal, old or young, we can all relate to feelings of loneliness. Loneliness is a universal condition that affects every one of us.