It's a fact that we are all subject to other people and their decisions. In light of this, we have the power to make choices around our given circumstances. We get to choose how we want to show up everyday despite what others choose. As I've thought about this topic for a few weeks now, i've learned I have a lot to share with you about decision making.
I think one of the biggest barriers to making decisions is that we think it will be a forever decision and so we spin in indecision and we put all kinds of energy into mulling over our options. Sometimes we're afraid of making "the wrong" decision when really there might not be a wrong decision. With some decisions it's appropriate that we spend a lot of time thinking and pondering as with choosing a spouse, etc. And with other decisions, we probably don't need to invest as much of oursevles as we do. This might look like losing sleep, talking it over with our friends and family, coworkers, or spinning in indecision. Honestly there aren’t too many decisions that we make that can’t be undone or where we can't change our mind. Sometimes we take decision making too seriously.
My cousin introduced me to the term “analysis paralysis” which I had never heard of and as soon as he said it, I knew I was a culprit. Thanks to the internet, we can spend forever doing reserach, there seems to be no end. I've been guilty of doing a ton of research while planning a vacation or on a new electronic, my new e-bike (I spent months researching these!!!), the safest helmet or best bike accessory. It was actually life changing for me to identify this "analysis paralysis" in myself and really weigh how impactful a particular decision was in my life that I was facing. I have to say I have done a lot of work on developing my decision making skills the last few years and I'm learning to listen to myself and my intuition better. I've learned to listen to this little ping inside of me and I trust myself to make good decisions for myself. I've also given myself permission to change my mind. I know I can acknowledge a decision that didn't work out like I thought, do a quick evaluation of the situation and move on to whats next.
Learning to make decisions is a skill. Making decisions can stir up new and uncomfortable feelings and sometimes avoiding these emotions can keep us from making decisions and moving forward. We put off making decisions because we don't like facing uncertainty of the outcome. What does not making decisions cost you? We can feel anxious or nervous, worry, doubt or uneasiness. Learning to identify these uncomfortable feelings and sit with them all the way through will keep us from avoiding making decisions. Doing this over and over again will strengthen our decision making skills. The more decisions we make, the easier it will become to make decisions. We will learn to not just listen to ourselves, but also trust ourselves to decide what is best for us.
When I am coaching myself or somebody on a decision that has come up for them, there are some questions I always go to and I'm going to share them with you.
The first question is, are there other options? Is there just an A and a B choice and why is there no option C?
There’s always one extra decision that we sometimes forget about and it’s not choosing an option or not making a decision. We can always stay where we are and choose nothing! This is not a good or bad option, it’s just an option, not choosing.
When I am coaching myself on a decision, or when I’m coaching on client on a decision that they’re faced with, there are a few questions that I always ask to bring clarity.
Can you have both A and B? Why is there no third decision?
What if you didn't have to pick now?
Can you choose neither?
Where do you want to be in 2 weeks, 2 months or 2 years and what decision best aligns with your goals?
Is this a forever decision? Would you be able to re-evaluate in a few months? Weeks? Years?
How much of yourself do you want to invest in making this decision?
If you had to decide right now, what decision would you make?
How will spending more time thinking and pondering change anything?
What is a decision you could make that would make all other decisions easy?
If you could wave a magic wand, what would you want?
The final thing I’d like to touch on is that the most important thing about decision making is that we be intentional about our choices and that we like our reasons why. Going through life not making decisions and being passive about our choices comes at a price. Indecision keeps us from making progress and becoming a better version of oursevles.
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