Boundary do's and don'ts

Boundaries protect our emotional and physical space. Boundaries are a form of self care, they are not selfish. They define us from others and when they are in place, they prevent us from feeling like a door mat. Unfortunately we cannot depend on other people to set boundaries up for us, they are our responsibility to put in place. Good boundaries allow other people to take responsibility for their actions.

One of the biggest things with boundaries is understanding they are not meant to control other people. It is not your job to try to control other people with your boundaries. Again, they are meant to protect you, they have nothing to do with anybody else. When you establish boundaries, one of the best things you can do is make sure you are setting the boundary from a place of love and not from a place of anger or hate. When you set boundaries with love, they are easier for you to follow through with and maintain. Boundaries aren't mean to limit somebody elses choices or narrow down their freedom or their options. Again, this is not your job. Using boundaries to manipulate can cause resentment and anger in relationships and you most likely do not want that in your relationships either.

It's easy to think that setting boundaries in a relationship will cause harm or hurt the relationship, but actually, setting boundaries in a relationship improves trust and transparency. Knowing what is and is not ok by a friend or partner brings strength. Have you ever violated somebodys boundary, but you didn't even know it was a boundary? Communicating clearly what your boundary is is just as important as having a boundary.

Of course you don't want to be sitting around the table and announce a random boundary that has nothing to do with your dinner group, so choosing the right time, like when a boundary violation has happened is important.

Do start small when setting boundaries. Some boundaries will be easier to set and enforce than others.

OK, there's a few tips on boundaries! Put some thought into what boundaries you would like to put into place to protect yourself and state them clearly.